Why does life keep crapping all over me? Why do I always end up with the jerk who cheats on me or leaves me? Why can’t I ever get a break? Why do other people get great relationships, and I get the a-hole?
Why? Because you are choosing to make the same shit choices over and over. You choose the same poor quality guy or gal every time. You don’t own the fact you are in control of your suffering….you blame LIFE and the men or women your choosing. YOU are the reason you get the same outcome!!! That may sound crude, unjust, unkind….lacking in empathy, all the politically correct terms these days….but it doesn’t make it any less true.
The definition of insanity as stated by a very bright and empathetic man, Albert Einstein (or maybe not), goes something like this: The definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result! Now, perhaps this is an overused quote, but none the less it has merit and is worthy of use here.
When people continually find themselves in relationships which end with someone cheating on them, abusing them, leaving them, lying to them…..and the same people find themselves in the depths of dispair and devestated that Life has been so cruel once again….It’s time to look in the mirror. It’s time to evaluate your decisions, why you continue to make the same poor decisions, and how to make a change that will lead to different results.
As much as we can feel sorry for those in our lives who seem to suffer this malady, after a time it becomes difficult to continue to pat them on the back and listen with that sympathetic ear….because in our minds we are screaming in frustration, stomping about and pulling our hair out….all because we have been here before (much like the movie GroundHog Day) and we, quite honestly, cannot fathom why this person we care about continues to make the same bad decisions time after time.
My first recommendation to individuals who find themselves in this pattern is this: Stop, step back, look at the big picture and take responsibility for YOUR actions. Then I encourage them to seek help from someone who can help guide them and give them the tools they need to better recognize why they repeat their patterns, how to unearth the underlying programs, and how to go about making the changes necessary to now create choices with better outcomes.
I also tell them that at some point they must stand on their own two feet, but until they have a new foundation, it is imperative to use their coach or therapist as a means of support. When they feel themselves compelled to make the bad decisions, call their coach and ask for advice and support. Use the tools given. It will feel wrong, it will feel strange, they will want to fall back into their pattern because one: it feels like an old pair of comfortable jeans and two: on some level they get a feed (like an addict) to the suffering that will be the end result.
If you are someone who continually finds yourself choosing poor partners for relationships….partners who are abusive or cheat….the only way to change the outcome is to change the subconsious programs running your decisions. It is a simple concept, it can be accomplished..but these programs are deep seated and will try to hold on like an eight armed octopus….you must be serious about change, you must start, and you must be consistent.
If you want a new life, if you want LIFE to quit crapping on you….quit crapping on YOURSELF!
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