As a woman, I feel like I can be considered an expert in confidence in my particular gender. I recently read an article about young girls and confidence. I found the information interesting, surprising, and yet….not surprising.

According to this article, girls are as confident as their male counterparts right up to the point of tween or puberty…and at that point, girl’s confidence plummets. All of a sudden, the girl who was going to be an astronaut no longer dreams of space, because she doesn’t believe she is good in math and math is required to be an engineer and an astronaut.

The girl who was going to be President of the United States won’t even try out for the debate team, because she doesn’t believe she could ever get up in front of others and have anything interesting to say.

Every day, right here in our neigborhoods, country, world…..little girls are getting ready to slay dragons and change the world……and teen girls are wilting under the new found belief of…..no belief….in THEMSELVES!!!!

All the while young boys are dreaming of slaying their dragons and changing the world…..and teen boys are preparing themselves to do just that. And guess what? They really believe they can!

So what is the difference? Confidence my friends. Both boys and girls are born with it, but they don’t both continue to grow it!!! While boys continue to nurture and grow their Confidence…girls toss theirs right out the window….often never to be found again before the age of about 65.

WTF? Right? I mean is this a matter of Nature over Nurture? Is it simply how we are wired? Boys have to slay the Saber tooth tiger so he is naturally provided with all the confidence he needs to do just that, while girls are wired to quiver in fear behind closed doors….afraid the Tiger will soon make her a meal?

Maybe, but this has never really made a great deal of sense to me. If that is true, than why would girls EVER have an abundance of confidence? And even if we believe men are more equipped physically to slay the tiger, the fact is women were often left at home alone, the only ones to protect small children, and ready to do battle if needed. So I don’t believe Nature is the Answer.

Well then Aimee, you may be asking, is it Nurture? Are we turning our girls into fearful, tearful, no confidence women with how we raise them? With what we do and don’t expose them to? With how we talk to them? With what we do and don’t expect of them?

Personally, yes, I think in this situation Nurture plays a very critical role in how confident a girl grows up to be. I believe we can help our girls overcome this loss of confidence as they sail into the teen years. I believe we can help women overcome their lack of confidence in themselves and their abilities….in the work place, on Wall Street, in the oval office, at home…AND I KNOW we can help them both nurture and grow the confidence each of us was born with!

Girl power? Pashaw!!! How about Empowered girls? Let’s provide the path to empowerment….a path paved in confidence.

Girl power these days has become nothing more than an entitlement….lacking in personal responsibility, risk, and what? That’s right: CONFIDENCE!!

Why does life keep crapping all over me? Why do I always end up with the jerk who cheats on me or leaves me? Why can’t I ever get a break? Why do other people get great relationships, and I get the a-hole?

Why? Because you are choosing to make the same shit choices over and over. You choose the same poor quality guy or gal every time. You don’t own the fact you are in control of your suffering….you blame LIFE and the men or women your choosing. YOU are the reason you get the same outcome!!! That may sound crude, unjust, unkind….lacking in empathy, all the politically correct terms these days….but it doesn’t make it any less true.

The definition of insanity as stated by a very bright and empathetic man, Albert Einstein (or maybe not), goes something like this: The definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result! Now, perhaps this is an overused quote, but none the less it has merit and is worthy of use here.

When people continually find themselves in relationships which end with someone cheating on them, abusing them, leaving them, lying to them…..and the same people find themselves in the depths of dispair and devestated that Life has been so cruel once again….It’s time to look in the mirror. It’s time to evaluate your decisions, why you continue to make the same poor decisions, and how to make a change that will lead to different results.

As much as we can feel sorry for those in our lives who seem to suffer this malady, after a time it becomes difficult to continue to pat them on the back and listen with that sympathetic ear….because in our minds we are screaming in frustration, stomping about and pulling our hair out….all because we have been here before (much like the movie GroundHog Day) and we, quite honestly, cannot fathom why this person we care about continues to make the same bad decisions time after time.

My first recommendation to individuals who find themselves in this pattern is this: Stop, step back, look at the big picture and take responsibility for YOUR actions. Then I encourage them to seek help from someone who can help guide them and give them the tools they need to better recognize why they repeat their patterns, how to unearth the underlying programs, and how to go about making the changes necessary to now create choices with better outcomes.

I also tell them that at some point they must stand on their own two feet, but until they have a new foundation, it is imperative to use their coach or therapist as a means of support. When they feel themselves compelled to make the bad decisions, call their coach and ask for advice and support. Use the tools given. It will feel wrong, it will feel strange, they will want to fall back into their pattern because one: it feels like an old pair of comfortable jeans and two: on some level they get a feed (like an addict) to the suffering that will be the end result.

If you are someone who continually finds yourself choosing poor partners for relationships….partners who are abusive or cheat….the only way to change the outcome is to change the subconsious programs running your decisions. It is a simple concept, it can be accomplished..but these programs are deep seated and will try to hold on like an eight armed octopus….you must be serious about change, you must start, and you must be consistent.

If you want a new life, if you want LIFE to quit crapping on you….quit crapping on YOURSELF!

Communication is the glue that holds a relationship, a team, a society, together. Without good communication there is a breakdown in the system, and before you know it the system comes apart at the seams.

When is comes to women, we tend to learn our communication style very early on, as do boys, but how we communicate is often different. Girls release more Seratonin and Oxytocin growing up. This tends to allow for a calmer demeanor and create a greater interest in emotional connection. Girls also tend to play with other girls, in small groups or one on one…they share their feelings, they want everyone to feel equal, there is no heirarchy structure, in fact they typically do all they can to ensure no one is “above, or in control” of anyone else.

We have all experienced how if a girl is outspoken or assertive, she is very quickly labelled pushy or mean, when in fact she is simply communicating in a manner that is perhaps more typical of men, and in a manner that makes other women feel uncomfortable. What we see on the playground is the Assertive girl is labelled and pushed out of the herd….she is dangerous to the status quo.

Let me share an experience I just had….it was on a fb group of professional mommas. As I am certain we are all aware, people have a tendency to post about the things that are not going well in their life. I, being the outspoken gal on the playground, often feels compelled to respond, in my typically honest, upfront fashion. And let’s just say, I am quickly pushed out of the herd!! Ah, some things never change!

As I was scrolling, I came to a post about something a client said to this particular Mom and veterinarian. Apparently, the client made the comment, “Is the male doctor not in today?” This was upsetting to , let’s call her Amber, because she felt it was a sexist comment. My response was fairly to the point. I responded with “So what? I have had the same question asked with regards to the female Doctor. IE: Is the female doctor out of the office today”. And then finished with basically what is the big deal?

Apparently this was considered rude and offensive. My comment was then replied to by the author of the post with a “If you found my post offensive, you could just scroll past. Why did you feel the need to be rude?” I went on to explain that I did not find the post offensive, my intent was to hear that particular comment and have a “so what” attitude about it. Rather than creating a story around what the client meant and getting all worked up about it. Well, that wasn’t acceptible, and if I didn’t have something supportive to say, I should not have said anything.

The conversation went on a little more, with me indicating my response had not been intended to validate but to rather challenge her to look at the situation a little differently.  Again, that was not acceptible. I wished her a happy day, and moved on. Fast forward several hours and I am being contacted by the administrator of the group. Her concern was my comments were inflammatory and that this is a group where everyone is there to show support. My comments, with regards to this particular post especially, were intentionally inflammatory and had upset several people. And I needed to be more compassionate and kind in the future.

Now, I cannot say I am surprised I recieved a message, but it was in fact disappointing. Why? Because this is not summer camp for 12 year olds, this is a social platform where adults come to express opinions, give ideas on surgeries or medicine cases, discuss  issues in life where people are struggling. And, Apparently, a place where you may only comment if you are validating someone….because if you just happen to have something to say that might actually make someone uncomfortable, well that just isn’t to be tolerated.

What disturbs me most about this if my comments were well meant….however, since I did not wrap it up with gushes of how insulted she should be, and god men are such assholes, what I had to contribute was “unkind and inflammatory.” It stuns me that in this day and time, we still cannot have a conversation with differing opinions without being labelled as lacking compassion.

We currently reside in one of the most equal societies in history. Women are professionals in all areas of business. Women can walk down the street with little fear of harm, they can speak out and speak up, hell….they can vote!! And yet, some things are very slow to change. Because in many ways, some things are very deep rooted, at the DNA level almost. And what women say they want for their daughters and other women, and what they actually accept, are very different.

Now understand, I am not saying all women behave this way…but it is a common and prevelant thread. And my challenge (OOPS, there I go again) to all of the women reading this is….are you guilty?

We have a large percentage of women who believe females have been kept down….by men, by society, by life in general. And to be fair, for most of history with respects to certain freedoms and expectations, they are not wrong. They feel girls are raised to rarely speak up, raised to always apologize (even when there is nothing to apologize for) and to be sweet and caring and always put others before themselves. Girls are often not encouraged to be leaders, but rather to sit back and follow. They are asked to cheer others on but not seek glory of her own….and again, they are not wrong!

In response, there has been a huge movement to empower girls and women. To allow them their voices and to encourage them to speak up for what they want and what they don’t want. We are telling girls they can do anything a man can do. We are teaching girls they don’t need to apologize for every tiny thing, that they have nothing to be sorry for. And Yet…..in spite of all the marches and the speeches…..9 times out of 10 when a woman does just that….she is immediately shut down and labelled…mean, unkind, lacking compassion, arrogant, having attitude…etc.

And who is shutting them down? Who is showing them that in fact they are not allowed to do the very things we are saying we want for our girls? Is it men? No, actually it isn’t. Most of the time it is other women. Rather than being open to a differing opinion, honest words, a more blunt communication style, women become uncomfortable, defensive, angry, hurt, sad, feel attacked…..add in your own descriptor. In other words, we like to say we want these “freedoms” for our girls, when in fact to often we just want to say we want them, but then behave like the little girls on the playground who feel no other woman should ever make another woman “uncomfortable.”

Are you living the life you dreamt of as a small child? Back when anything was possible? Or are you living a life of ho hum? If this is the case, which it is for the majority of humanoids on this sphere we call Earth, ask yourself this amazing, enlightening question: WHY?

I believe the reason most of us live a life much less grand than we imagined is due to a very vulgar 4 letter word: FEAR!

Fear should definitly be housed among “he who’s name must not be spoken” list! Fear has a choke hold on the majority of humanity, and most of the time we are completely unaware. We have convinced ourselves that the story FEAR is whispering in our ear,  the story FEAR plays over and over in our mind like a movie, is actually REAL! And guess what? 99% of the time, that is total BS.

Until you choose to meet FEAR in the back Alley and confront him face to face, he is going to dictate your life….forever and always. And that just isn’t right. You don’t believe a bully should be tolerated do you? Then it’s time to kick some Fear bully arse, right now, Today!

I remember the day I decided, I mean really decided, to go out and forge my path in the world of Veterinary Medicine. In my mind, the way to success in my particular profession, was through the channel of practice ownership. Once I decided this was the path, nothing could stop me. I was FEARLESS! And guess what? Nothing did stop me. I found a practice, I signed on the dotted line, I moved and I lived in my own little practice, on a blow up mattress for the next year while i got things going.

For the first several years I had my oh shit moments, but overall, I still believed I could and would conquor the world of practice owner. And I did. But as the years marched on, the economy dipped, client numbers dipped, guess who came a knockin? Yep, big as life…..my nemesis FEAR was back. And he was big and hairy and mean as hell!

And he took up residence, like a nasty squatter, in this big ole brain of mine. He pushed me into a tiny closet and set up house every where else. He was large and in charge. The story he was whispering in my ear, the movie he was playing in my head…was all about fewer and fewer clients and bankruptcy just around the corner. And I was frozen.

I truly believe we are the Captains of our Destiny and the rudder is our words and beliefs. At this point in life my ship was being steered by the words of loss and bankruptcy. I talked about it, I thought about it, I dreamt about it…..and what you think about comes about.

It was only a year and a half later, in spite of hiring a consultant, in spite of being an awesome vet with a great bedside manner, in spite being a pretty good business owner…..FEAR was steering my ship, guiding my destiny, and I brought about exactly what I thought about…..I gave up my practice to bankruptcy.

Now, this may seem tragic….and it is….but not in the way you may assume. The tragedy is I created my own demise. Just as I created the practice purchase in the first place, through my belief in myself, I also created the bankruptcy through the new belief that I couldn’t do it and that I was going to go bankrupt.

Had I been able to have Faith, to kick Fear in the teeth, I know I would still own that practice, and be successful. But I didn’t. And I learned a very valuable lesson. FEAR will never reside in my head house again. I kicked him out like the squatter he was, and he is never welcome back…..EVER.

We have to find the way to believe we can have what we want. WE have to have Faith that in spite of what seems like “dips” in our dream, if we keep our eye on the prize…it will be ours.

I don’t regret my loss now. I believe we go through events to learn. I know my success is not contingent on the practice I lost. I know I can live the life I choose, and ladies and gents, that looks different for all of us. I will have the life I choose, I will be happy as a clam, and I will continue to meet FEAR in the back alley every time he tries to push me around.

How About YOU?

Have you ever noticed the chatter going on inside your own head? The constant barrage of images and words that stream by like a never ending movie? What are the words that play over and over inside your mind? Are they inspiring, uplifting, empowering? Do they encourage you to be brave, to take risks, to go big? Or do they belittle you, downplay your gifts, tell you you could never accomplish that?

The words we repeat to ourselves, over and over, day in and day out, have incredible power in our lives. What we think about is what we bring about. There is a magic in words….and that magic can be used to bring us all the gifts we can imagine or to create a life of lack and little happiness. How we speak to ourselves is the magic behind the actuality of life.

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” Albert Einstein.

How do you judge yourself? In other words, what words do you say to yourself? What words create your beliefs about yourself? For this is the path to enlightenment with regards to the success and happiness in your life. Just listen to your mind, hear what it is saying each time you consider doing something new or considering a different occupation. For the words you speak to yourself about these possibilities will be the creator of your reality.

If you are uncertain of how you speak to yourself, all you have to do is listen. But an even easier means of uncovering your self talk is to look at your life….to look at your results. What do your relationships look like? Are they happy and fulfilled or do you find yourself without friends or mates, blaming your woes on their failings? Are you successful in your career? Do you have the wealth you desire? Is your marriage on fire and your family smiling?

To understand how you are speaking to yourself, all you have to do is observe. And if what you find is not the life you dream of….you have the power to change it. All you have to do is change the words you use, change the dialogue in your head. If you want to have an amazing marriage, tell yourself you have an amazing marriage. If you want to travel the world, tell yourself where and when you will travel….and it will happen. If you want to have the financial means to help others, when and how you desire, speak the words of wealth to your mind.

Most of us tell ourselves we should feel guilty to want more money. Rich people are greedy and if we choose wealth, we too must be greedy souls! We tell ourselves we aren’t pretty enough to date that man or successful enough to ask that beautiful woman on a date. We berate our bodies and belittle our minds on a daily basis….and wonder why we don’t have all the riches.

“Greatness is attained only by thinking of great thoughts.” Wallace D. Wattles

So, if you want a life of greatness, beware the words you speak to yourself. If you find your life is not what you desire…..monitor the words your mind whispers to you, and change them!

I know this is not a new tale of woe! LOL. However……

I don’t know how many of you gals are my age with a youngster. Or how many of you were career oriented only to find yourself in a whole different realm. A realm where you traded early morning meetings or appointments for early morning feedings. You traded professional publications for Dr. Seuss and See Spot Run. Where you traded leadership and ownership for motherhood. A realm you never really dreamt of much less expected to become your reality.

I realize this is not a new topic for women. Since we were given the “privilege” to wear pants in public and allowed to chase careers outside prostitution or nanny, women have found themselves “torn”. “Don’t misunderstand me, I LOVE being a mom!” is often heard. As if we have to forward our statements with an assurance of how much we love being the mother to our child. Or perhaps instead it is what others say to us when we lament over lost careers or dreams. Phrases like “You are now fulfilling your greatest purpose, the purpose of raising your little one!”

Though I appreciate where these people are coming from, that they are trying to soothe our sorrow at the loss of “our life as we knew it”, the fact is it often only makes us feel worse. Really, my purpose (my real purpose) is only to be a mother to this small human? My life as a veterinarian, business owner, mentor, dirt biker, horse trainer, dog afficianado, those were not actual purposes only hobbies? Has my life up til now been a farce? Were my goals and aspirations just silly fancies?

Understand, I know that of course none of that is true. But in my weaker moments, when the world is a little darker and scarier than usual, those are the thoughts which permeate my mind and give me pause. And when they permeate, the thoughts become more real. You feel your accomplishments slipping away. You see yourself in a role that does not fully fill you up. You watch your colleagues and friends and see them through colored glasses. Glasses which illuminate them as successful, fulfilled, and not the failure to succeed that you are. You see them marching to a drum you once were in cadence with but you have somehow lost the rhythm.

When I feel these thoughts arising I have to fight hard to not let them take over. The fact is I DO LOVE being a MOM to my baby girl. I know much of my purpose is to raise her to have the same aspirations I had, to go after her big dreams, to create the life she wants. I realize part of my purpose in the this life is to help guide and mentor my Minnie me into a fine woman who isn’t afraid to face the big bad world, who understands not everyone gets a trophy, who boldly takes risks and accepts the disappointments that are certain to pepper her path. My goal is to help her understand she can be both: Wonder Woman and mom. And she can do this without losing any sense of who she is and why she is here!

This is a journey I must accept, one I chose, and one which is filled with life lessons. One of which is Never say Never. I said I would never have kids, but here I sit the mother of a sassy little firecracker named Shiloh Grace. As many of you relate, she is one of my greatest teachers. When I get out of my own way, she humbles me and forces me to see life very differently than I once did. And that is a gift I often forget to unwrap and rejoice in.

My advice to those of you who honor me with reading these words: Unlock the chains you have wrapped yourself in, before they fetter you forever! In other words, nothing is set in stone, and to move forward we often have to stop looking back. This does not mean don’t have dreams, it means see the dreams in front of you, not the ones you have already dreamed.

Walk through your life willing to experience everything and realize that tomorrow may bring a new brilliance wrapped up in something you thought “you never wanted to be or do”. Love to each of you!

Approximately 10 years ago I decided I had the skill set and the cajones to purchase my own business. By trade I am a veterinarian. I am a good one if I do say so myself, and I was boundlessly confident that being a good veterinarian would translate into a wildly successful practice of my own.

Fast forward a few years, 9 to be exact, and what you see is my pie in the sky taking a nose dive and splatting on the pavement of failure. Closure. Bankruptcy! And to add insult to injury, I sat on a toilet, alone and in shock, at a little plastic stick with a plus sign lit up like the strip in Vegas,

The second plastic stick on the evening I might add! Because the first plus sign was obviously a fluke. I mean shit!!! No one gets pregnant at 46 and a half, especially while taking those little pills they promise you will prevent this very thing. It was a fluke, my urine was just strong today!

I remember taking out my phone, snapping a photo to the offending object and sending via the ethers to my counter part in this little dance. My words read simply….”This is not a joke!”. I hit send, and I waited.

It didn’t take long to get a response. One of seeming confusion. As if the damn picture wasn’t worth a thousand words already! So I proceeded to explain. I wasn’t sure if I needed to start at the beginning, you know, the birds and the bees or if he was sufficiently versed in that aspect. So I simply stated the obvious, again, and indicated I was going to repeat the steps in the morning (unwrap plastic stick, pee on it, wait) and I was positive the heavens would realign, and there would be the “negative” just as it should be.

He said OK, let me know. Let him know? Like I would keep this to myself? Hell yes I would let him know. And we would celebrate our little scare with a laugh and a nice glass of Malbec.

But let’s just get this straight now, God very obviously has a sense of humor. Cause the next morning, in spite of drinking several gallons of water to flush out whatever element was in my urine causing that false positive, there was still that stubborn little positive sign. Can we just say I shed a few tears? Not of joy?

Remember, I was the woman who embraced selfish, wore it like a badge of honor, and made it clear to every man I dated that if they wanted kids I likely was not the woman for them. How could this be real? WEll…..perhaps is was still just a string of “wrong” tests. So I did what any smart woman would do, I drove my happy (well, unhappy self) right down to my friends clinic and had my blood drawn. We weren’t wasting time with those silly tests anymore. We were going for the big guns, we were takin some blood!

I begged and pleaded for a rush job. I needed to know that this was all just a funny little string of mistakes. I needed to know that I was free to continue my selfish, carefree life of dirt bikeing, mountain biking and hiking, riding horses and all the other fun ourdoorsy things I lived for. And being 40 pounds overweight with a belly the size of a T-rex egg wasn’t gonna work for me and those particular hobbies of mine.

As the nail biting commenced, we waited. And waited, and waited some more. Finally, at 6 pm I got the call. My world crashed in around my me. I couldn’t breath. I was beyond stunned or shocked. I remember looking at Alan, tears running down my face, crying that I COULD NOT DO THIS!

But the fact was I could. We all can do things we don’t think we can do. We all have it within us to rise to the challenge. And remember, being single, 46 and pregnant wasn’t my only challenge. I was also facing the very real challenge of losing my business of 8 years.

To say I felt as if a lead cannon ball was shot right into my stomach is minor to how I truly felt. I was a single woman of 46 years old, pregnant, AND……a FAILURE. If I couldn’t succeed at a business, a practice I poured my heart, soul and cash into. how in the hell was I going to succeed at being a mom?

So many people I have to thank for being there to support me. I will be forever grateful. And at the same time, the words often spoken to me, meant to give me hope and support, were actually the very words I least wanted to hear. They just were not what this particular woman found helpful.

Join me next week as I discuss the words which were said with such love and kindness, but were actually the hardest for me to hear. For they simply did not resonate with me!

Forty Eight and a first time mother. Can you relate? There may be some of you who can, but I often feel like I am a lone ship on a damn stormy sea!

I never intended to have kids. I just assumed it wasn’t in my DNA, and besides, I was a woman comfortable with the idea of being innately “selfish”. Now understand something, I do not in any way  mean selfish as it sounds, or as it was presented to me on multiple occasions. Always after I had announced that no, I had no interest in having kids.

Selfish is not a four letter word. It is a word many women should consider embracing a bit more often. In my world selfish simply means you want to take care of yourself without feeling the guilt of “not” wanting to take care of others. Nothing wrong with that my friends, so never apologize for being selfish.

Damn, I find myself on a tangent again…back on track. Forty eight and a first time mom. Can you relate?

Let me just say, when I realized I was pregnant, at my beyond child bearing years, while swallowing estrogen/progesterone pills like daily vitimins, swimming in confidence that my 46 year old eggs were cracked and closed for business…Supernova of the brain comes to mind. What? no….not just no but hell no!!!

But oh yes! Yes indeedy!! Selfish embracing, pill popping, owner of her own business Aimee……was pregnant. This can’t be. I had a plan. A plan that excluded kids. A plan that included travel, fun, dirt biking and , and, stuff….NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

This was one of those defining moments we all hear about, but rarely truly experience. I mean come on, defining moment, it even sounds made up. But no, they are real, and this was definitely one of them. Next life, maybe I will skip the defining moment….or perhaps it is just these moments which stretch us to experience the very things we were certain we should never experience.

Please understand, I do not think every woman should have a child. I still don’t think that, even though I would never change my defining moment, ever. By far this has been one of the most amazing and awe inspiring events I have had the privilege to play a part in. But I do believe there are many women who’s defining moments may in fact include never giving birth, and that is amazing and awe inspiring as well.

So over the next few weeks I will share some of my stories. How I went from being a single woman with 2 border collies and a small animal veterinary clinic to a mother of one little fire cracker named Shiloh, married to an amazing man and former (forever) marine, a pack of 4 yellow labs and my 2 border collies, a cowgirl with 2 young mustang horses and living in the wilds of western Colorado riding dirt bikes and working fill in as a vet in the mountains.

Come peek into my life. I love sharing what this defining moment has created in what sometimes feels like an alternate universe!

First blog post